Now into my second year with House of Horrors, I still had not met our founding Caretaker in person, and after missing him somehow the night before, we finally met up in the Tribeca lounge and shook hands.  It was good to finally meet the mind behind all this madness - this was about 5:30pm or so.  We headed into Program Seven - where Ken Foree was to sit in attendance as we watched a series of shorts and then the Directors Cut of The Devil's Rejects.  The Caretaker looked hungry.  I'd read enough Anne Rice to recognize that look in his eye.  After checking my pockets and suddenly realizing I was fresh out of raw chopmeat - I slithered unscathed into the theater, just long enough to catch a few particular shorts that I had been looking forward to.

"Redwood Forest"
directed by Kasey Ferguson

Ashley Willis, a college senior, travels through Redwood County, Colorado - on her way to her parents house - where an unforseeable event changes her route.

Now when I go to a horror film festival, Im hoping to see at least one short that is nasty, viscious, brutal, bloody, and non complicated.   Id run into director Kasey Ferguson and his crew outside Don Hill's on opening night - actually somehow my psycho senses sought out Donald Hurt - the man who plays the killer in Redwood Forest.  Lets just call it psychotic intuition.  After hearing their descrip of Redwood, I had to check it out.  Unlike most of the competition, which was very ornate, twisty, witty, and sometimes highly produced - Redwood Forest is a keen short short about a chick who breaks down on a forest road and comes across a twisted, cold blooded murderer.  Short story short - she falls victim and is mutilated.  No tricks.  Just abduction, torture, mutilation, and gore.  Hacksawed feet, hammered limbs, clipped off digits...  It didnt wow anyone with its storyline, but that's the kind of senseless gore I need at least one dose of at the NYCHFF - and Redwood Forest delivered.  Kudos to the effects - that finger coming off was pretty nasty.  You can watch this one online over at Lumberyard Media right now...

"Raven Gets a Life"
directed by Devi Snively

Sometimes life just sucks...  even when you are dead.  Eternally trapped in the body of a 12 year old girl, a vampire is diagnosed with manic depression and seeks solace from prescription drugs, Bela Lugosi, and the Grim Reaper.

This was one of the more magical shorts of the evening, really intergrating a lot of appealing factors.  Playing out almost like a bad dream, Raven (played superbly by the Amber Burke-McDonald) is down and lost, gets medicated, and really has no care anymore for life or death.  She sits in an alleyway with a heroin addict, baffled at how a mortal could just throw away his only flash in the pan called life.  Upon his death, the Grim Reaper steps in for a quick convo, and soon Raven is at the theater - where there is a fantastic exchange between her and Bela Lugosi (played dead-on by Circus-Szalewski) from a film playing on the theater wall.  There is literally so much a critic could delve into about this ten minute piece - Ill simply sum it all up by saying this was an exceptional, psychedelic film mixing vampirism, teenage misplacement, and Gumpisms, where film footage interacts with real life characters on the screen.  To see Bela Lugosi play a part in a modern piece was a treat in itself.  One of the few shorts that left you wishing there was more.  Check out some screenshots at the official website http://www.ravengetsalife.com/

"Itsy Bitsy"
directed by David May

After another failed attempt to ask his girlfriend to marry him, David is having a sleepless night, so he decides to get a midnight snack.  His commute is interrupted when he notices a Goliath Bird Eating Spider standing between him and the fridge.

How many times have you found a big spider doing a night walk around your kitchen floor?  You call your mate over to check it out and they cringe with disgust at its 2-inch diameter legspan, fearing it will jump and attack and eat you like a bug.  Apply your natural fear of arachnids and take this premise - just enlarge the spider to 2 feet in diameter, and you have one hairy, meaty, freaky son-of-a-bitch that would probably laugh if you tried to step on it.  Much of this film is tongue in cheek, playing off the main characters inability to ask his girlfriend to marry him.  When the engagement ring ends up in the center of a thick web as bait, while his finace drools over the rock in waiting, then begins the cat and mouse chase - a couple versus a goliath bird-eating house spider.  A great date short that plays on fear of marraige as much as it does on fear of gigantic, bloodthirsty spiders.

It was at this point that I came out of the theater and noticed a man getting dragged, muffled and kicking, into the mens bathroom outside the screening room.  I stood still for a moment, and then a man walked out from those doors.  It was the Caretaker, brushing off his clothes and wiping something from his mouth.  I could see that it was blood, but I didnt want to make a scene.  He looked at me with eyes half rolled over white.  I asked if we had time for me to catch a few more shorts.  "We got time,"  he remarked, and I slid into the next theater.

"Reverie"
directed by RJ Weyant

When Tabitha is faced with an unexpected pregnancy she silently struggles for a way to tell her unapproachable boyfriend.  However, her reluctance to speak to him quickly becomes the least of her problems.

These are amatuer films - at least a majority of them are supposed to be.  Reverie falls into that category of "amateur filmmaker creates a horror short watchable enough to be accepted into the mecca festival of horror", and in that, director RJ Weyant should be proud.  But unfortunately, once your material wins that great honor, it is thrown in against some top-notch talent, and a mediocre horror short film can sometimes pale in comparison and be shadowed by others.  Reverie is not perfect - its watchable, with a repeating twist that sums up to a violent death in the end - which was per genre and dark enough.  As a horror fan first and a critic second, I really give these films a wide girth and look for anything redeemable - even if its not a legendary piece of art.  Reverie feels a bit college-esque, a bit predictable, and doesn't wow on any one particular front - but it was watchable.  Im not giving it a bad review, but I have to tie my hands and refrain from saying it was anything extraordinarily special.  Hopefully RJ Weyant will keep working and return again soon with something a bit more scriptually evolved.

"Thorazine"
directed by Jason Hooper

On a stormy night a group of greedy bank robbers hide out in a vacant building.  With six hours til dawn all they have to do is survive the night and each other.

OK.  Thorazine.  A short feature film, done in 30 minutes, that felt like 45-60 minutes.  This is an example of a good idea, stretched a bit too thin to overpower anyone.  The premise was just too overdone to stretch as long as it did.  People wandering around in a dark place, one looking for the other while the other avoids the other - who is hunting who, as were taken in reverse from a murder that occurs at the beginning.  Hooper was successful at bringing us all down into a film induced state of narcolepsy, as darkness and confusion runs rampant.  The murders were bloody, and the violence somewhat wincing.  Perhaps the most redeemable quality of the film was lead actress Vanessa Ray, who was very very sexy and addictive to watch.  If that was her that I saw sitting at the Tribeca Cinemas bar later that night - holy crap - I should be saying that Thorazine was the best short Ive ever seen - she is SMOKIN!  But alas, in a world of horror competition, Thorazine ran just a bit too long, and the twist at the end didnt exactly take the numbing pins and needles from the left side of my ass.  Jason Hooper has talent and a unique way of sedating the audience into a lull - but never quite delivered a knockout blow like we were hoping.  Think about it - add up all the films youve watched - how many minutes of the entire lot were spent wandering around featureless, dark hallways, anticipating the strike of a killer.  The twist was great, and Vanessa Ray will inspire wet dreams - but as soon as the lurking started, I already felt 30 minutes in, and the short had just begun.  A promising director that would perhaps benefit from a more fine-tuned screenplay in the future. 

"Woman's Intuition"
directed by Patrick Rea

A young woman hears a strange noise only when danger is near.  Now she hears it all the time.  Is her life in danger?

The previous two shorts were good examples of what Patrick Rea does not do.  He does not draw out a short storyline past its own natural boundaries.  Woman's Intuition was an excellent 6 minute short about a woman who hears a sound when danger is approaching.  Its saved her from accidents at intersections, from psychotic dates, etc.  Now, unfortunately, she hears this sound all the time, and it keeps getting stronger.  Most of this film is spent in a psychiatrists office, and is heavy on dialogue - as per "The Thing About Bannon's Lookout".  Only Rea knows where to draw the line, and sum up the prose with resolution, without boring you to death with the rhetoric.  The ending is unpredictable, and explains everything in one fell swoop.  Much different than his other entry at the festival - both shorts exemplify Patrick Rea's keen mastery of the short horror film - which has him in the past year heavily compared and connected to the same magic that made the Twilight Zone episodes so appealable in their day.  We've said it before, and he keeps on reaffirming why - Patrick Rea is an exceptional director on his way to bigger and brighter projects, and as a fan, I admire how he is taking his time mastering each step of the journey.  Patrick Rea is currently working on his second feature film to date, the first of which, The Empty Acre, is reviewed here.  Visit SenoReality Pictures official website or check out some of HoH's past coverage for more exposure to his superior short works.

It was after these films that the Caretaker and I left the theater and roamed the streets of lower Manhattan in search of victims.  We decided against taking humans on this festive eve, and instead dined upon the flesh of beasts - his put to the heat of a flame, mine a bit bloodier.  For an hour we feasted amidst a festival induced horror enthusiasm, juggling films and opinion across the table to and fro.  We were eating somewhere on lower Broadway and got our hamburgers served in skin-thin pita pockets.  To this day Im confused as to whether or not Im pissed at the lack of bread - because Im constantly drooling in the subconscious of my mind when I think back to its high, bleeding meat-bread ratio.  There was even bacon on that bitch.

Good food aside, it was back to the NYCHFF at Tribeca Cinemas to catch the 9pm program, which included a much anticipated screening of Mick Garris' Masters of Horror episode for season two - Valerie on the Stairs - starring Tony Todd and Christopher Lloyd, adapted from something Clive Barker had written specifically for the series.  Not to mention, Mick was due to be in attendance during the screening with his wife Cynthia - and would be accepting the NYCHFF Lifetime Achievement award.

Three horror shorts were shown before the premiere of Valerie on the Staris:

"Story of the Dead"
directed by Emre Olcayto

Three kids gets lost on the way to a concert, and end up at an isolated house.  Once inside, the trap has been set, for the zombies are waiting for fresh meat.

OK.  Are you sick to death of zombie films?  Well, get over it!  Some people are still doing it right - aside from all the crap coming out as of late, like (insert noun here) of the Dead, which regardless of the title you just chose, probably came out in the past couple years.  This is undead feastage straight from Belgium director Emre Olcayto - and especially for a short - it kicked ASS.  The story was a bit farcical - even though the film took itself very seriously.  Its hard to buy the notion that a house on the side of the road poses as a trap - do these zombies think?  Its never fully touched upon, but lets forget that shit.  Enter victims into a dark house, where creepy ass reanimated dead come to life and attack the living!  I am a huge "zombie" fan, and will never get sick of films that do it right.  Emre shows that regardless of this played out sector of the genre - zombies kick ass and are evil, scary shit.  No jokes included, Story of the Dead is an awesome quick fix of the undead complete with viscious violence and artery spewing gore.  Michael Asquith nailed best short last year with a New Zealand undead entry.  While Story of the Dead lacks comedy, Belgium earns its reputation as the next in line to get it right.  Lesson?  Look overseas for your next zombie fix.  Story of the Dead was dark and evil.

"Delirium and the Dollman"
directed by Andrew Lobel

Two girls live in fear of their stepfather, The Butcher, a disgusting man, and exist in a world where children are turned into toys by the Dollman.

This was an ornate, Tourist Trappy nightmare of a film about children oppressed under the rule of a violent "Butcher."  It was very artistic, and thrived off a horror underline - but it was so art like and abstract at points that my memory of it has faded into a blur of dollfaces and sad women.  I had to run for a bathroom break, and wont attempt to mimic someone who saw the entire film - so if Andrew Lobel happens to pass by this lack of a review, Id like to get a screener and have a more in-depth look at this interesting entry into this year's NYCHFF before expanding upon opinion.  Hopefully, Ill find a way to review this attractive horror short, and Ill get back to you and let you know if its worth seeking out.

"Recently Deceased"
directed by Chris McInroy

- trailer (quicktime)

Jim doesnt know how he died, or why he came back.  He does know he has to complete his to-do list before his killer kills him again.

If there was ever a film that just happened to work - based on the mood of the crowd, the potential for a laugh in someone's gut - Recently Deceased was a prime example of a short that made the most of its screening by timing alone.  Its a silly horror film that thrives off comedy more-so than the violence that occurs, and where other zombie comedies have failed, Recently Deceased took a partially buzzed horror audience that had sat through almost 40 minutes of footage previous to its screening and lit them on fire with laughter.  Director Chris McInroy was kind enough to mail me a screener - and upon watching it in a dark home minus the spirits from behind the bar - it was smirkable, and got a chuckle or two out of those that watched it.  But at the NYCHFF - where the timing and audience were randomly perfect for its showing -  I hadnt heard a crowd crack up outloud so repeatedly at anything else the past two years, and that's saying quite a bit.  Im a zombie fan - and NOT a fan of the horror-comedy in general - especially when you involve a creature that I have mass macabre respect for in the genre.  But where Ana Djordjevic's "Dead Shift" dropped the perverbial ball by annoying me with a dancing zombie in a 7-11, Recently Deceased cracked me up with its wit and charm, overpowering any off-set I normally have watching a ghoul make people laugh in a horror film festival.  Kudos to McInroy for injecting such a successful, light-hearted laugh inducer at the country's premiere festival of death, murder, and mutilation.

Masters of Horror presents
"Valerie on the Stairs"
directed by Mick Garris

At a commune for novelists, Rob discovers that there are fates worse than literary anonymity when he is visited by Valerie, who is beautiful, naked, and covered with ooze.

I started off in the genre as a Stephen King fan, primarily because my first exercizes in input towards horror began as a self-proclaimed 6th grade writer.  Up and coming into adulthood, I was exposed to the writings of Stephen King.  Id read The Stand, Carrie, Christine...  heavy prose, thick on characterization, misfits and normal people gone to the dark side, or to face it - they were fine years.  However as with anything, too much of it can burn you out, and I took a sidestep afterwards towards film and other authors like Clive Barker, Robert McCammon, and Rick Hautala.  All this being explained to prove a point.  I had faded away from the King side of darkness, and therefore missed a bit of what made Mick Garris the man that he is.  I loved The Stand.  For years, I was an advocate of - if youre going to adapt an author' story, it should be done as per the book, and not altered by an ambitious filmmaker.  This is what Mick Garris was famous for - and the more I looked, the more I respected his point of view and how he portrayed films, especially Stephen King adaptations.

Valerie on the Stairs is Mick Garris' directorial entry to season two of Masters of Horror, and having been completed only two days before it was to be screened at the NYCHFF - we got a chance to be the first people anywhere (even before Showtime) to witness his creation.  Specifically, Valerie on the Stairs is about a writer who enters a commune for novelsits, resides in room 237, and from the onset is haunted by a vision of an incredibly hot naked woman on the stairway, played infectiously by Clare Grant (who showed that a predominantly nude actress can act successfully in a prime time story).  Besides the fact that her presence on the screen will make your eyes ravenously hungry for more, the story unravels into that of a tortured soul's.  If you dont want to read a minor spoiler, Id stop here - but Valerie is actually the personification of a central character in a horror story, being written by the writers of the house.  Tortured and kept by a demon (played kickass, as you'd expect, by Tony Todd), she seeks safety pleading to the new writer in the house to set her free.  In the end, the forces at hand all come to a struggle, and what happens is a fine twist of fate that makes sense within the context of the plot.

Those looking for the next Imprint will be unsatisfied, as overthetop violence is not this entry's main vein.  This story will appeal immensely to anyone who has contemplated being a writer - thats the best way to describe this entry into MOH.  The material swirls around a lot of psychological factors, and the power of storytelling.  Much as I had felt reading Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door (review) - that by turning the pages I was manifesting the violence brought against an innocent teenage girl - Valerie on the Stairs plays off that notion that characters are brought to life through writing (or reading) them.  If a group of writers had created a female character, only to be tortured and oppressed by the likes of an evil demon, would she not be an existence of pain and suffering personified - and if personified, would she not somehow in some abstract manner, long for her own release from these forces of evil?  Would not her attempts to break through the veil of reality seem ghostlike?  

After the showing, Mick Garris came up front and asked aloud if we had liked it - immediately defending the content, hoping it wasn't too slow for viewers (as opposed to something like Tobe Hooper's The Damned Thing [review], which played like a Tyson fight, knockout blows early and often.)  To those who prefer a psychological, mind tickling horror story over that of instant gore gratification, I would make it a point to see Mick Garris' entry into the season.  The performances of Clare Grant, Tony Todd, and Christopher Lloyd of all people, were imprinted onto film with the intricacy of well built literary characters, making for a novel like experience onscreen - one of depth, mystery, and intrigue.

His Q&A session with the audience was filled with insight into his career and the Masters of Horror series, providing a wealth of information for those who wonder what the world looks like from within Mick's skull - so if you have the time and interest I highly recommend checking out his conversation with the NYCHFF audience by clicking HERE.  His new book, Development Hell, is also on stands now and deserves a look.  Any of you into checking out his literary material can click above to pick up this new hardcover from Amazon.com .

This wrapped up Day 4 for the 2006 NYCHFF.  As you can probably tell, there were several other shorts and features that we haven't gone into.  My personal apologies to anyone whose film was not mentioned as part of my Day 4 coverage.  It was impossible to attend every program, as much as I would have liked to.  If you would like, contact me via email and I will do my best to get a full review posted before the end of the year.

I hope to be in touch with Mick again soon for a full scale interview, and Id like to personally thank festival director Michael Hein for making the effort to introduce me to Mick Garris, THE Master of MOH himself - and for all his and Anthony Pepe's efforts to make this fan friendly horror festival happen.  It gets better and better exponentially each year.

To top off this explosive night of horror and mayhem, I found myself on the last train out of the city, back to Long Island - around 3 in the morning.  Anyone who has ridden this LIRR missle knows that its the last run home for all the Saturday night party-goers and bar sloshed drunks.  In the half-car that I rode upon, some poor young girl was dragged in and placed in the seat across from me.  She was trashed to the point that I worried for a stranger.  Her chin was busted open, and she could barely breathe, nevermind keep her eyes open.  Before the train even rolled out, she puked at my feet, and then as people tried to bring her to the bathroom, she pissed her cotton stretchy pants.  Two girls ran up and started taking closeup pictures of her soaked rearend.  I hope you bimbos read this, cause you have no fucking class at all.  But then again, class has no place on this hellride home.  I could name four incidents where fights nearly broke out - the worst of which was when a loud mouthed chick walked in and uninstigatedly brought up Boston and how great the city was.  Boy, was that a mistake, given this town's New York/Boston rivalry.  The whole car was down her throat, shouting insults that would make a mother crawl back up into her own womb.  But alas, the trashed girl made it off the train, the puke only smelled like alcohol, and nobody threw a punch.  So if youre ever caught on this midnight meat train going home from mighty Manhattan, do not fear - even though your spidey sense will be ringing off the hook the entire ride.  New Yorkers are insane on one level, and uninhibited on another, but when it comes down to it, more times than not its just a lot of adrenalizing BS.  Just sit in your seat, pull out that horror novel, and pray for the best.  More times than not, everything will end up all right.