Directed by:  Paolo Sedazzari
Running Time:  81 minutes
Body Count:  5

Came across a British horror release called The Toybox - directed by Paolo Sedazzari (The Shant Club, Rockin' Chair) hoping to see either something gruesome, or something soft I could pass on to the kid - 'cause of the title, you know.  The story begins quite innocently for two children, growing up in the deepest countryside, their imaginations set ablaze by a book on local myths and legends.  Before alls said and done, an overwhelming sense of impending horror surrounds the house...  but is the enemy outside - or is the enemy within?   Well, that's kinda what I'd like to know.

Berenice (Claudine Spiteri) convinces her younger brother Brian (Elliott Jordan) that she is the reincarnation of a witch with the powers to put everything right.  In the opening sequence, they play a game called "Where's Freddie", and Brian accidentally churns the hamster in the blender.   Berenice puts him in the toybox and makes him stay in there for a while.  As they grow up Brian becomes emotionally dependent on his sister, so that when she returns to the family home for Christmas with her new boyfriend he feels totally betrayed.  At the same time a man strongly resembling the mythical Jake the Mid-Folker is closing in. 

The first twenty minutes looked good.  The Mid-Folker was coming, pacing up the road with a brisk stride, red-eyed hell hound panting at his side.  Flashbacks of murders past are glimpsed at - giving the impression that this was the fate to come...  It all begins to come together, but for the next hour, suddenly the film derails and youre stuck in this bickering household with a sex starved old hag and a bunch of other disfunctionals.   A lot of time is spent on dry comic relief attempts, boring conversation, unrelated sequences, and relationship woes, as Conrad (Craig Henderson) attempts to cope with Berenice's discomforting family.

Drawings of demon faces are being sent to the home as the day approaches when the Mid-Folker was to wreck havok with his hook and corkscrew hand.  There was supposed to be a big killing spree and a family under attack by an evil legend!  But nothing happened!  The family just argues.  The end throws you for a loop.  The Mid-Folker should be outside the house, but the story goes on and on forgetting about him - until finally Berenice is writhing around on the floor within some candles, doing (I may be wrong) a sex or love spell?  The boyfriend leaves, Berenice goes after him, and then Brian turns into the Mid-Folker?  Did the Mid-Folker who was walking back to the house possess him?  Or was Brian mentally deranged and thought he was the Mid-Folker, because Berenice thought she was the witch reincarnation or the only girl who could defeat him...  Were these two kids gone bent off some childhood myth and fairytales, or were they truly reincarnations of the two legends.  You're left wondering way too many things to enjoy the story.  For all the explaining this film exhaustedly does, Im at a loss for what happened in the end.   There were no other pillars to raise this viewing experience.   The gore and scares are minimal and almost non-exsistant.

The family gets wasted but all you see is one of them with a fake rubber slit across the neck that you can purchase at the magic shop.  The movie had potential but just fell apart completely.  And what the hell was the big deal about the toybox anyway?  It was never really addressed, yet the title and the ending scene.  Was the toybox to blame for driving Brian mad?  Was that teddybear possessed?  What the hell was going on?  What a mess.

Did you ever see the old 1973 movie Don't Look in the Basement (aka The Forgotten)?  When you watch the movie, where the hells the basement?  Someone looks in the basement for a minute and sees a dead doctor on the floor and its no big deal.  The rest of the movie is about a bunch of psychos rambling and babbling about who the killer is...  Paolo Sedazzari accidentally remade that movie - took the plot down to its basic skeleton of "what the hell is going on here?" and just changed some of the elements.  

My 6 year old got up in the middle of The Toybox bored to death, sayin, "Whatever happened to that guy - I thought he was comin to get everyone?"  You know what kiddo - Im wonderin the same thing.   Some people may find this movie bearable - I found it laborous and a letdown to watch.  It just failed to deliver anything.  I do think Paolo has the potential to put together a good film.  The pieces just didnt fit together in this one.  The reviews I've read on Toybox are all over the board.  More positive than negative actually, which is confusing.  It has skill, but no cohesion.  Unless youre a young woman who grew up thinking you might be a witch, or a young kid who got locked in closets or toyboxes for that matter, avoid The Toybox like the plague.  Its like crayons that dont color...  ???