vs. HERO. Why does the debate continue????
by Samuel Weil
(Tromaville, NJ.) You may
have noticed recently that the crime rate has fallen dramatically in our beloved town of TROMAVILLE.
The streets and alleyways are not safer because of our overpaid
and under worked police force, but rather due to the superhuman
efforts of our beloved MONSTER-HERO (pictured to the left).
Born out of the refuge of a toxic waste dump, this gentle giant has
helped to make our community safe again. I can walk the
streets at night without fear of being molested by the likes of
Cigar Face and his band of miscreants. My friends in the
neighborhood no longer have to dodge oncoming cars. Squirrels and
pigeons can live in harmony, because even the Capulets and Ques
live in fear of his awesome power and the beaches are now only
littered with syringes and hospital waste since the Surf Nazis
snatched their boards and hightailed it out West.
Elsewhere on the set of his latest low
budget flick , famed blind independent horror director and long-time
resident of TROMAVILLE Larry Benjamin said "F**K I want to
make a movie about his life. Sh*t forgot I can't say f**k oops...
sorry. Do you know if he is available?" In the
background special effect guru Jerry "the gore-meister"
was already hard at work scripting out scenes of some of the
MONSTER-HERO's best mashing and maiming. While away from the
hysteria newest Tromette, the ever sultry Melissa could be heard
asking, "Is he married?"
Apocalypse Inc. meets
with City Council
by Michael Herz
(Tromaville, NJ) Yesterday in a very late
meeting the Mayor and City Council moved one step closer to
finalizing a multi-million dollar deal with Apocalypse, Inc.
(AI). Although the exact details of the negotiation were not
released, they are said to be revolving around prime real
estate controlled by the City.
Mayor Belgoody (pictured above)
seemed overflowing with joy by the progress of the discussions.
"When all is said and done, everyone in
TROMAVILLE will sleep a little better". The Mayor
and his council are planning a trip to AI. corporate
headquarters in hopes of finalizing a deal. AI's
(continuing on the next page)
The local children are also taking up the
cause as little Andrew Lerner and his two best friends Brian
Spitz and Mark Adams are leading a fund raising drive in support of our new
friend by selling t-shirts
that say "I
the MONSTER-HERO". Even the town's bully Doug Sakmann has decided to
turn the other cheek ... "man he is one ugly dude, but I don't want him
to open a toxic can of whoopass on me so I'd be saying my pray and eating my vitamins
Life is good in TROMAVILLE.
Or is it????
This leads me to my next
question: with everything so right in TROMAVILLE these days why do
these MONSTER vs. HERO debates continue??? Why are scientists
and high caliber weapons of mass destruction being brought into our fair
community by the truckload??? It harkens back to so some bad sci-fi
flick from the 50's, where the powers that be feel they must destroy 1) what they cannot
understand and 2) what they can't control.
Not strangely enough this
charge is being lead by our very own
Mayor Belgoody who is bent on using any means necessary to destroy the
MONSTER-HERO, rather than enlisting his help. Our militia-like police
force who are lead by the Chief of Police, patrol the street searching for
him. Unfortunately, the recent accidental killing of a so-called innocent has given the Mayor the ammunition he needs to secure the
force necessary to bring him down. Armed to the teeth with the backing of the
National Guard, our MONSTER-HERO seems doomed.
But wait good
citizens of TROMAVILLE, this is our call to stand up for what is
right and prevent this tyranny from continuing. Let's not
forgot how good it has been. During these times as
the corrupt wheels of city hall continue to churn and the horror of Reaganomics helps the rich get richer and the poor just
stay poor, we, the common people, need a hero.
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