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MOVIE REVIEW: PROM NIGHT
By THE FAN GIRL NEXT DOOR

May 3, 2008, 00:10

When a friend suggests to you that you both go see the new PROM NIGHT movie, it does make you question why you are friends with that person. I wasn't rushing to see this movie BUT I was curious. I guess when a favorite movie of mine is remade or retold I want to know if it manages to recapture any of the, dare I say, magic, of its predecessor. That, and teenagers will most likely be killed. So, I caved in and off we went. There is nothing wrong with watching good-looking teens get slaughtered, well, PG-13 slaughtered anyway.

Since we caught an early matinée, our fellow moviegoers only consisted of two teenage girls who immediately turned on their cell phones upon sitting down. Hey, you never know what important call you may have missed walking from the car into the theater! Soon, that was replaced by sounds of one of them obsessively licking the foil lid of her nacho cheese container. The other girl couldn't seem to understand how to open her box of candy. They passed it between each other as if it was a Rubik's Cube. Finally, the box opened and the girls gleefully exclaimed, "Yay!” If I would have had a can of gasoline and a lighter I know I would have set them both on fire.

Welcome to Hell, Janet.  How many people will be in your party this evening?

Finally, after 14 hours of dumb on-screen trivia, anagrams a monkey could figure out (Name this Movie Star: TOM CRUIS_) and watching two girls get confused by a box of Whoppers, the lights go down.  Yay!  Of course, I need to watch three or four commercials before the actual movie starts. What is up with the Coca-Cola Refreshing Filmmaker Award spots? I haven't seen one winner I didn't want to strangle. The movies are always stupid, sappy and completely pretentious.

I do, however, enjoy the AT&T ads with Martin Scorsese bursting into a room, telling the people having a 'real' moment what they are doing wrong, and what their motivation needs to be for the "scene" they are in. The teenage girl who made out with her nacho cheese container felt the need to ask, "Are we supposed to know who that weird old guy is?" Now, saying things like that should be illegal (I honestly wished that the killer from HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE was sitting behind them). I remember being 12 and knowing who Martin Scorsese was. You can't have a license until you learn how to drive. Well, you shouldn't be allowed inside a movie theater without knowing who Martin Scorsese is.

Ok, I'm done, so on with the show!

PROM NIGHT begins as most of these movies do, with one of those cool sweeping shots of the ocean and a cover of an older song done by a current or popular artist (this time around it was "Time of the Season" done by Ben Taylor). Donna Keppel, played by Brittany Snow (who is almost getting too old to play teenagers) has just come home to find her dad and brother slaughtered, but she has arrived just in time to see her mom hacked to death. The killer? Richard Fenton (an excellent Johnathon Schaech), a crazy teacher who has been harboring an unhealthy fascination for Donna. He is caught and the cop gives Donna the false reassurance that Fenton will never see the light of day and will never be able to get her.

A few years later, now living with her aunt and uncle, she finds herself sitting in a shrink’s office trying to get on with her life. Her prom is right around the corner and the doctor can think of no better way to get over seeing her family hacked to death than to turn her frown upside down and dance the night away at her senior prom. It will be the night of her life. Hey, it's worth a shot! Donna announces to her aunt that she has stopped taking her anti-depressive medication because she wants to fully experience the prom. Sounds like a plan except for one thing: Fenton has escaped the loony bin and is on his way to Donna. She really picked a bad week to stop taking her meds.

The prom in this movie is really over the top. What school has the budget for this? Asshole High? Where everyone looks like they just came from an Old Navy photo shoot. It looks like a dance club with professional lighting, a DJ booth and a huge stage. All set in the middle of a fancy hotel. At my prom I spent part of the night holding my girlfriend's hair back while she barfed in the bushes in front of the Sheraton Hotel, but I digress. Donna and her friends, who are played by kids taken from the CW Network, are going to officially say goodbye to high school in style. Fortunately, for THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT fans, Joshua Leonard has been found and has suffered a fate worse than death by the hand of the Blair Witch: he’s languishing as a nameless bellhop in this movie.

Anyway, the cops get wind of Fenton's escape and begin the manhunt. Oops, too late, he is already at the prom and has found a way into the group's massive rented suite, thanks to a newly dead maid with a master key. I must say, Johnathan Schaech really is a great actor. He has the whole tortured-'why don't you love me?'-thing down pat. He is good-looking to the point where it should become distracting but it doesn't because he is so skilled as an actor. There is a scene where he sits on the floor of the suite's bathroom, deleting pictures of Donna and her boyfriend from a digital camera. All the while a friend of Donna's lies dead in a corner. I was surprised at how effective the scene was.
 
One by one the friends end up disappearing. There isn't really any gore to speak of, just a lot of stabbing and slashing movements. It plays a bit like a made-for-TV movie would. I was paying attention though because at one point the head detective announces the body count, "One maid and two kids"; I immediately corrected him, turning into RAINMAN stating, "One maid, one bellhop and 3 kids". The predictable ending just abruptly happens, almost as if the director didn't have enough film to give it a big finish.

You can't call this movie a remake. The only similarities to the original is the title and that the group of hapless teens is at a prom. PROM NIGHT wasn't great but it wasn't necessarily bad either. It will serve its purpose, which is to entertain pre-teens, teenagers and girls who can't open boxes of candy.

PROM NIGHT is rated PG-13 with a running time of 88 Minutes.

Special Note: Towards the end of the movie there are a few minutes of rapidly flickering strobe lights which should signal you to bite down on your wallet should you be prone to seizures.

Until Next Time....

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